Tell Out My Soul

2Cor 12:2-10

Today I’d like to talk about our reading from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians in which he talks about the challenges he was facing and also the importance of God’s grace in dealing with them. His purpose in writing to the church in Corinth was because he had deep concerns over false preachers who were not only spreading corrupted teachings about Jesus, but also attacking Paul and denigrating his message. These false preachers were going around big noting themselves and making themselves out to be the great and true messengers of God, and exploiting people while they were doing it. 

Paul was so worried about this that he felt that had to put himself forward and promote himself in order to get people’s attention and to get the Corinthian church back on the right path. But he didn’t want to brag like the false apostles who he sarcastically called “super apostles”, he said that it was pointless for him to brag. But he felt that he had to explain himself and to show that he was indeed a worthy messenger, and that the Corinthians should believe in him and not these fake preachers.

Paul’s self promotion was of an entirely different kind to the super apostles; instead of going on about how great he was, he instead pointed out his sufferings, and all the things that he’d been through during his mission. Earlier in the chapter he describes at length all the trials, beatings, imprisonments that he went through. And he also emphasised, and this is telling, that he never asked the Corinthians for any payment, which presumably was what the false apostles were doing. Paul had independent support from his Macedonian friends, and by this he most probably meant Lydia, who was a convert and strong supporter of Paul. So it looks like these fake apostles were in it for the money.

The reading starts with Paul talking about his conversion, that amazing transportation of soul during which the risen Lord spoke to him.

Paul himself finds it difficult to explain in words what happened to him on the road to Damascus. But, essentially, what happened was that he was taken up into the presence of God. 

In Acts we’re told that his journey to Damascus was interrupted by a blinding light, he fell to the ground and he heard a voice saying, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked. “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” came the reply. Saul as he was formerly called was a Pharisee and an active punisher of Christians. But that all changed.

Here are some words from th German theologian and writer, Justus Knecht, commenting on the power of divine grace in Paul’s conversion. 

He wrote: Our Blessed Lord prevented Saul with His grace, enlightened his understanding, moved his heart, and prepared his will to do all that was commanded him. In the very midst of his sinful career, grace called to Saul to stop, and changed his heart so completely that the bitter enemy of Jesus Christ was transformed into an apostle, all aglow with love; and the persecutor of the Christian faith became its tireless defender and advocate.

Thus St. Paul was able to say of himself: “By the grace of God I am what I am; and His grace in me hath not been void, but I have laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God with me.” 

Now Paul hasn’t talked about this event for fourteen years, but now he feels that he needs to, but he talks about it as though it happened to another person. He starts off by saying “I know a person in Christ who was caught up into the third heaven…” we know that he’s talking about himself. But instead of boasting about his amazing experience he does the opposite. 

He says more or less, that if this happened to someone else then it would really be something to brag about, that this event just by itself would give any apostle huge credibility. But because it happened to him, he doesn’t regard this event as something he should make a big deal about, he doesn’t say “what a jolly good fellow I am because I was chosen to experience this amazing conversion.”

Instead he tells the Corinthians that he has a problem that stops him from being boastful. He says, “to keep me from being too elated, a thorn was given to me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated.” There was something that was keeping him down. This “thorn in the flesh” is just as mysterious as his conversion. Paul doesn’t tell us exactly what it is and scholars have debated at length about what Paul’s problem, or his weakness actually was.

Some suggest it was a physical problem, it was thought that Paul may have had a speech impediment which might have made it difficult for him to communicate properly. Or his problem may have been the constant attacks and persecutions that he suffered at the hands of his enemies. Others have pointed to the fact that he may have had a guilty conscience over the persecutions he carried out against Christians.

Then Paul mentions the source of his problem. It’s the messenger of Satan that Paul refers to who gives him this thorn in the flesh. Paul’s’ situation reminds us of the temptation in the wilderness in which Jesus is tested by Satan, now Paul believes that he is being tested and tried by Satan, he’s been given a challenge that he needs to deal with. Three times Paul pleads with the Lord to take it away but God answers, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’

When I read this I thought about willow trees. Their branches are flexible and they look weak and flimsy but this gives the tree its strength because when the wind blows hard and there’s a storm, the boughs don’t break, they bend and sway and the delicate bendy branches absorb the force of the wind. It’s their flexibility that stops them from breaking. Meanwhile they grow these huge thick trunks and roots that go deep into the ground. And the wood is special too. The best cricket bats are made from willow wood and this is because willow wood is soft but durable, and of course it reacts well to impact, it doesn’t split or tear when the cricket ball hits it.

Paul was getting hit from all sides but he took it all and remained strong because he absorbed the impacts. Paul understood that during his weakness and suffering, Christ was there with him and dwelling inside him, giving him strength.   

Even though it’s difficult and challenging, this testing process is necessary to our faith. If we are not tested then the first challenge that comes along will make our faith crumble. Satan in this context is an agent, a messenger, trying and challenging Paul, breaking him down again and again, weakening and bending him, only to create a person so resilient that he is able to face and go through torments and persecutions. Paul was resilient because he allowed God’s grace to take over. We become who we in Christ Jesus, as a result of that collection of experiences that we go through, both good and bad.

I love Paul’s words, “By the grace of God I am what I am.” And Paul uses the word “grace” in a broad fashion; it means the presence of God: sustaining, empowering, calming, supporting, satisfying. When the Lord tells him, “My grace is sufficient for you” he is saying, “I am sufficient for you.”

A thorn in the flesh is a very apt metaphor for a problem or affliction that while not fatal is painful, challenging and something we’re stuck with. Life would be so much better if it just… went away. But life isn’t perfect and it’s not exactly the way we want it to be, sometimes it’s far from it. Jesus gave Paul the answer to how we deal with these situations. Jesus himself is the answer.

Our own personal challenges draw us into the realisation that God dwells in us. We realise and accept that some problems are here to stay and so we work around these things and deal with them from the inside out. What gives us our strength at times like these is God’s grace, in other words God’s indwelling gives us the resilience that we need.

Talking about our problems and sharing them with others is extremely helpful. As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. When we talk to someone and get their support, it does a lot to change our state of mind. It can allow us to see our problem in a different way, sometimes it helps us find a solution that we didn’t consider before. Some people journal, they write down their worries and concerns, and this is often used as a mental-health strategy. Getting these negative thoughts out of our heads and out there, even if it’s in writing can be unburdening.

As Christians and having faith in God, we have something even more powerful to help us, God’s love and infinite grace. We have God to talk to and not only can we share our problems, we can give them over to him, entirely. We can tell God everything, all the things we might not be at liberty to tell others, we can pour it all out and know that he doesn’t judge and that he will understand exactly what we’re going through. 

I had an occasion during the last few weeks to share a particular worry I had with a close circle of friends. And one of them meant well and there was no malice intended I’m sure. But she said, “don’t you pray? How can you worry about things when you’re supposed to take your worries and leave them with God.” Well I told her that of course I prayed, and then I was annoyed for a little bit, mostly with myself because, of course she was right. I guess the thing was that I wanted God to simply “make my worry go away.”

And I thought of the hymn, what a friend we have in Jesus, and the lyrics that tell us to “take it to the Lord in prayer“. Such a simple instruction but often when we’re caught up with our own thorns in our flesh, we wrap ourselves around our chronic problems and let them fester and consume us and let them hold us back. Instead we should be saying, God, my all in all, please be with me through this, you’re in charge, I’m going to leave it in your hands now, your grace is enough. 

And I stayed slightly annoyed with myself until I read about Paul’s story and studied his conversion and looked into his dilemma. Paul absorbed and accepted his problem, knowing that it was there to stay, that it wasn’t going to be an easy run for him, far from it. But despite this he became an apostle “par excellence” a genuine super apostle who took the word of God to the western world and changed the course of history. He did what he was able to do despite his challenges… maybe this testing actually made him a better apostle than he might’ve been otherwise and made him who he was “in Christ.”

At some stage in our lives we will have a thorn in the flesh, something that we can’t fix, and won’t go away. And so we take it to Jesus and open our hearts to him, and he gives us the power to keep going and to overcome whatever it is that over shadows our lives. Because it is in these moments when we feel weak and powerless that we find our strength, the strength that comes through the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ in our lives. Let’s pray to always keep in mind, that even through life’s storms and chaos, God’s love is sufficient, so that we can all say, just as Paul did, “not I, but the grace of God with me.” 

 Amen